You know that saying, "there's nothing new in the world"? Well, it's not true. I came up with a completely absolutely brand new idea, that no one else has ever thought of. I know this because I spent three minutes searching on google, and we all know if something does not show up on the first screen of google, IT DOES NOT EXIST!
So, dear world (or three readers who happen to find this), I present to you -
CLEANERCIZING!!!
Since this is a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of, I will provide complete details on how to keep up with this new trend. FOR FREE! TODAY!!!
If you send me just 5 payments of $50, I will send you a paper copy of the instructions below, plus a package of random stuff, and YOU TOO can be an exclusive CLEANERCIZER!
For JUST 5 payments of $100, I will include all of the above, plus a CLEANERCIZE hat!
Really, if you send me money, I promise to send you something back.
Please find below, as promised, the complete CLEANERCIZE method!!! It is available for a limited time only (the life of this blog, or the life of the internet, whichever ends first), so act fast, so YOU TOO can be an official CLEANERCIZER!
CLEANERCIZE Tutorial
1. Decide your house is at the point where cleaning is inevitable (aka - you have no clean clothes or dishes, and you cannot find the remote control).
2. Try to convince your children to clean the house.
3. Fail.
4. Suck it up, and get off your butt.
5. Pick your background music (something you thought was awesome when you were in high school is ideal).
6. Sing loudly.
7. Shake your body.
8. Stop whenever an adult walks in the room. You know you're sexy, and it will be too much for the other adult to handle. Be respectful. CLEANERCIZING is a personal endeavour.
9. Try all those awesome new dance moves you've been thinking of.
10. Dance until the cleaning is done.
CLEANERCIZE FAQs
Q: Who should sign up for CLEANERCIZE?
A: Anyone who hates cleaning and exercise. Because if you hate them both, the obvious solution is combining them into one incredibly empowering experience!
Q: How did you come up with a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of?
A: One evening, I was in the kitchen cleaning. It sucked. I turned on music, starting dancing like an idiot while cleaning, and thought "I should call this CLEANERCIZING and write a blog post about it, because this has clearly never been done before."
Q: Shouldn't it be spelled cleanercise?
A: Yes. But you will find that on google, and I wanted a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of.
Q: Can I target problem areas of my body with this method?
A: Absolutely! Whichever area of your body you would like to work on, just move that more. Want to tone your butt? Shake it! Want to find some abs? Clean while hula hooping (if you include a video of yourself doing this in the comments, I will give you 5% of the profits made from this post). The options are endless!
Q: How many calories does it burn?
A: All of them! If you follow this program, you will find that since the cleaning is never done, the CLEANERCIZING is never done, therefore you will Never Ever stop!
Q: Why do you call it CLEANERCIZE instead of cleanercize?
A: Obviously things that are written in all caps are much more official and exciting. To read it properly, imagine the sham-wow infomercial man yelling "CLEANERCIZE" at you. Now re-read the entire post, with Mr. Sham-wow's voice in your head.
Now tell me you're not ready to send me $250!
Disclaimer: Any resemblance between CLEANERCIZE and any existing exercise program is purely a result of me not researching completely. But I doubt your business will be threatened because of this blog post. If it is, you may need to start looking into another line of work.
