Friday, 24 April 2015

Children's book review (spoiler alert - the book ends up in the fire)

Our local library (which is small and friendly and wonderful), always has a couple shelves of books for sale.  Every time I'm there I have to look over them in case there are wonderful treasures that need to join my personal library.  A couple weeks ago, my two year old grabbed a couple board books from the shelf.  Instead of making her put them back, I gave her a few coins and let her make her very first purchase (a touching moment that she will reflect back on for many years to come).  We brought them home, they got put down somewhere, and forgotten about until tonight.
Elsie came prancing up to me with book in hand asking me to read her a story.  We went and sat together, with Paige joining in as well.
I read the title:  Having Fun.  The first page starts with it being a rainy day, mommy's cleaning, and the kids need something to do.  Why do the kids need something to do when mommy's cleaning? Why don't the kids help mommy clean?  That would make a much better story - mommy's cleaning, the kids happily help, no one yells, the house gets clean, they all eat ice cream and are happy, the end (another spoiler alert - that story I just made up is waaaaay better than the one I'm reviewing).  Anyways, I make a remark to the girls that the kids should help their mommy, but I get over it (for a moment), and turn the page.  The first thing I notice on this page is the use of the word locomotive.  I personally would have used train for a book geared towards toddlers, but to each their own. 

But then I see the first spelling mistake...
"ans" is not a word. 

And two pages later is this

The placement of apostrophe's should not be complicated!

 Followed by this on the very next page.

Beatiful?  Really?  I had to fight with my spellcheck to allow it to leave it that way.  Plus, they spell it correctly on a following page.

I close the book, and tell the girls I will burn it because it was awful.

And then I stew about it for three hours.

And then I look at the book to find the publisher to complain about it.

The publisher, shockingly, seems to no longer be in business.  I wonder what happened?

And then I ponder how a book could make it through an author, an editor, an illustrator, a publisher, and a printer with all those mistakes in it.

And then I start thinking about what kind of children's book I could write, because apparently anything can get published.

And then I write a blog about it, while being completely aware and paranoid there will most likely be glaringly obvious errors within this post.  Won't that be ironic?

But then I think, no one is paying for this, so it's more forgivable.

And then I wonder how did they come up with $3.95 as the price for the book, and who in their right mind paid that?

And then I use spell check (if you don't use it, please start), publish my post, burn a book and go to sleep.

Disclaimer: I know that English is a difficult language, and many people struggle with spelling and grammar.  This is in no way bashing them.  This is bashing the people that insult real writers (I do not claim to be one) hard work by pushing out a book with no effort or editing.


  1. This is funny and awful!

    How disgusting.

    The book not you. I think you are 'BEATIFUL'!

    1. It's pathetic isn't it? Your book should have no problem being published, since it's actually good and well written! (And thanks! Everyone needs to hear they are 'beatiful' sometimes).