TOY JAIL (aka how Pinterest changed my life)

Some days, my kids are very helpful cleaning up.  This month had not yet had any of those days.

Me:  "Paige, help clean up."
P:  "No thanks!"

It's cute she thought she had a choice.

 

I didn't nag (just politely asked her to help 17 times), and did it myself.  When I got to the playroom, my time wasted invested on Pinterest finally became useful.  I grabbed a big box, wrote TOY JAIL on the side, and filled it with all the toys on the floor.  Check out the original toy jail here!

M:  "Hey girls!  Your toys are in jail!  You have to do chores to earn them back."
P:  "Mommy, you can't just make things up.  Toy jail isn't a real thing, so don't say it is!"
M:  "It's a real thing now!"

I continued on with my tidying, adding toys to the box (perhaps a little gleefully, because this idea really is genius).  Paige pouted and whined, and blamed her sister, and then, miraculously, she started tidying!  And she did it quickly!  The fear of more toys being put in jail actually motivated her.  She tidied her playroom, she cleaned the toilet, she swept the floor, and she earned 1 toy back for each job.  And as she got the toys back, she put them away where they belonged! 

Needless to say (which is a silly phrase, since everyone knows I'm going to say it anyway), the toy jail is going to find a permanent place in our house.  It will be upgraded from a cardboard box to something much more awesome.  And I will likely make it a time-consuming project, because I have once again entered study mode, so will need productive procrastination methods.  I wonder if I could make it using pallets?  Obviously I must spend hours on Pinterest finding out.

My plan is to also use the Toy Jail as a way to purge.  Once toys have been in there a certain length of time (like a week or two), with no desire to bail them out, they will be donated.  Clever, huh?

So, there you have it folks.  Definitive proof that Pinterest really can change your life!

*This post is in no way sponsored by Pinterest.  If Pinterest wants to sponsor any posts, I would happily discuss it with them, even though I'm not sure exactly how that would work.  And since I tend to lack in the follow-through department, I doubt a sponsorship would ever happen.  I hope my two followers aren't disappointed.

There's Nothing New in this World - or is there?

You know that saying, "there's nothing new in the world"?  Well, it's not true.  I came up with a completely absolutely brand new idea, that no one else has ever thought of.  I know this because I spent three minutes searching on google, and we all know if something does not show up on the first screen of google, IT DOES NOT EXIST!

So, dear world (or three readers who happen to find this), I present to you -

CLEANERCIZING!!!

Since this is a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of, I will provide complete details on how to keep up with this new trend.  FOR FREE!  TODAY!!!

If you send me just 5 payments of $50, I will send you a paper copy of the instructions below, plus a package of random stuff, and YOU TOO can be an exclusive CLEANERCIZER!

For JUST 5 payments of $100, I will include all of the above, plus a CLEANERCIZE hat! 

Really, if you send me money, I promise to send you something back.

Please find below, as promised, the complete CLEANERCIZE method!!!  It is available for a limited time only (the life of this blog, or the life of the internet, whichever ends first), so act fast, so YOU TOO can be an official CLEANERCIZER!

CLEANERCIZE Tutorial

1.  Decide your house is at the point where cleaning is inevitable (aka - you have no clean clothes or dishes, and you cannot find the remote control).
2.  Try to convince your children to clean the house.
3.  Fail.
4.  Suck it up, and get off your butt.
5.  Pick your background music (something you thought was awesome when you were in high school is ideal).
6.  Sing loudly.
7.  Shake your body.
8.  Stop whenever an adult walks in the room.  You know you're sexy, and it will be too much for the other adult to handle.  Be respectful.  CLEANERCIZING is a personal endeavour.
9.  Try all those awesome new dance moves you've been thinking of.
10.  Dance until the cleaning is done.

CLEANERCIZE FAQs

Q:  Who should sign up for CLEANERCIZE?

A:  Anyone who hates cleaning and exercise.  Because if you hate them both, the obvious solution is combining them into one incredibly empowering experience!

Q:  How did you come up with a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of?

A:  One evening, I was in the kitchen cleaning.  It sucked.  I turned on music, starting dancing like an idiot while cleaning, and thought "I should call this CLEANERCIZING and write a blog post about it, because this has clearly never been done before."

Q:  Shouldn't it be spelled cleanercise?

A:  Yes.  But you will find that on google, and I wanted a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of.

Q:  Can I target problem areas of my body with this method?

A:  Absolutely!  Whichever area of your body you would like to work on, just move that more.  Want to tone your butt?  Shake it!  Want to find some abs?  Clean while hula hooping (if you include a video of yourself doing this in the comments, I will give you 5% of the profits made from this post).  The options are endless!

Q:  How many calories does it burn?

A:  All of them!  If you follow this program, you will find that since the cleaning is never done, the CLEANERCIZING is never done, therefore you will Never Ever stop!

Q:  Why do you call it CLEANERCIZE instead of cleanercize?

A:  Obviously things that are written in all caps are much more official and exciting.  To read it properly, imagine the sham-wow infomercial man yelling "CLEANERCIZE" at you.  Now re-read the entire post, with Mr. Sham-wow's voice in your head.

Now tell me you're not ready to send me $250!

Disclaimer:  Any resemblance between CLEANERCIZE and any existing exercise program is purely a result of me not researching completely.  But I doubt your business will be threatened because of this blog post.  If it is, you may need to start looking into another line of work.

Hopelessly Devoted

Meet Bandit (quite aptly named it turns out).  He started off cute and cuddly, and if he stepped on your foot the pain wouldn't last for days.  We brought him home, and started off as good pet owners.  We bought him the expensive dog food the breeder recommended, kept up to date on his shots, took him for walks (and carried him when his little legs just couldn't make it home), we bathed and brushed him regularly.


Bandit the day we brought him home.



 And then he gained 150 pounds (at least).  We knew Newfoundland's were big dogs, but somehow that size seems bigger when you put it in a house in town.  Now, if he steps on my foot, it hurts A LOT.  Giving him a bath is quite the dramatic affair. Walks turn into runs followed by shoulder pain.  And the expensive dog food?  Yeah, that lasted maybe a month.

But with his size, came some surprises.  Did you know that a 175 pound dog can reach the kitchen counter without trying?  He just walks past and inhales whatever is there.  And it doesn't matter if you try to train him.  The temptation for human food is too much to resist! 



Pregnancy photo shoot

Want steak for supper?  Don't defrost them on the counter.  Even in a stone crock, the dog can still get to them.
A piping hot whole chicken is fair game if your child suddenly needs a diaper change.  Considerately, the dog will leave no evidence behind.
I cannot count how many loaves of bread have mysteriously disappeared.  (He is very discerning and only steals homemade bread).
Peanut butter - forgot to put it away after making a sandwich?  A dogs tongue is surprisingly long and he can clean the container out for you.
You know those delicious buns with the butter baked right onto the top?  Bandit likes those too, but he prefers to lick the butter off before they are baked.
Trail mix - He doesn't like to eat it.  He just wants to show how clever he is that he can open Tupperware and scatter the contents all over the floor for a nice welcome home gift.

Add to that list the extra housework he causes, the blankets he's ruined, the refinished floor he gnawed, a window he's broken, and the car he damaged by running in front of it (dog: bloody lip, car: $1500 damage), and logic screams "GET RID OF THAT FREAKIN' DOG"!


Paige with her best friend.

But I don't, and I justify it by saying he is good with the kids, his size will intimidate people who want to break in, he does weird things that make us laugh, and he makes me feel safe when the husband is gone.

He drives me crazy and costs us a fortune.  And yet, I know my threats to put him for sale on Kijiji are completely empty.  The conclusion?  It must be love.  (But don't you dare call me his mommy!)

How to Clean Your Fridge

My fridge is sadly empty, so I decided (since I could clearly see the grossness) that it was time to clean it.  After completing (or starting?) this project, I decided to make up a how-to guide, because I'm just helpful like that.

1.  Open fridge.
2.  Contemplate going grocery shopping immediately to hide the mess with food.
3.  Determine shopping on a Friday night with kids is far worse than cleaning the fridge.
4.  Work from the top down.
5.  Clear the shelf.  Dispose of unidentifiable items. 
6.  Wipe the shelf.  Scrape the shelf.  Remove gross rag from toddler's mouth.  Wipe the shelf.  Get fresh water.  Repeat until clean.
7.  Wipe containers before putting them back on the shelf.
8.  Admire your work.
9.  Repeat step 5 with the second shelf.
10.  Take chocolate sauce away from toddler, wondering how much she actually drank before you noticed.
11.  Repeat step 6 with second shelf.
12.  Take chocolate sauce away from your toddler.  Scrub the floor where chocolate sauce was joyfully squeezed out.
13.  Try to convince toddler to go play with sibling.  Fail horribly.
14.  Repeat step 10.
15.  Remove chocolate sauce from toddlers reach.  Wonder why you did not do this sooner, and why you think this would be the day your toddler would respect the word "No".
16.  Repeat step 7 with second shelf.
17.  Repeat step 2.
18.  Reconsider step 3.
19.  Repeat steps 5, 6 & 7, while being hit on the back by a toddler enthusiastically yelling "PANG A BUM" (spank the bum).
20.  Remove bottom shelf from fridge completely because it is too disgusting and needs to soak.
21.  Contemplate how you can soak a huge shelf while your toddler yells "JUJUJU?" (What you do?)
22.  Come up with a clever solution.  Put it on Pinterest
23.  Wonder why you never saw your mother cleaning her fridge like this, and how you will never be the woman she is, and wonder if she ever slept, because she must have cleaned the fridge, but there are no witnesses, so did it really happen?
24.  Remove toddler from fridge.
25.  Scrape soy sauce/maple syrup/juice/who-knows-what-that-is mixture off the bottom of the fridge.  Try not to guess how long it's been there for.
26.  Wash bottom of the fridge.
27.  Repeat step 24, while wondering why your toddler is suddenly calling the fridge a shower.
28.  Clean the produce drawers while feeling a little guilty that you don't have much produce in there for the children.  Wonder at the marvel that is your mother who always seemed to have fresh produce on hand, and none of it ever went to waste.  Consider calling to tell her she is your hero.
29.  Admire your clean fridge (make sure you ignore the door, which you have not got to yet).
30.  Put children to bed.
31.  Write a blog post about cleaning the fridge.
32.  Repeat steps 1-30 on the door, replacing toddler with pet.
32.  Go grocery shopping so no one will ever see that you cleaned your fridge.