Have Yourself a Thrifty Little Christmas

I originally started this blog because my sister has her own (much better) blog, and I wanted to join in her link-up parties.  It's really the only kind of party I get invited to, so I should probably be social and join.  Plus, the fact that I don't have to find a babysitter, get dressed, leave the house, and pretend to be social is really quite appealing to me.

So I started this blog, so I too could participate in the wonders of Thrift Blitz!

If you are thrifty, you should start a blog so you can join the party too!

I think there is a blogger contract somewhere that says everyone with a blog must write a Christmas post, or at least share their post from previous years. 

So, in the interest of jumping on the Christmas blog bandwagon, here are my tips to having a thrifty Christmas.

1.  Watch for bargains all year long.  Find a savings site, or Facebook group (my favourite is www.savingsguru.ca), and they can do the work for you.  If you spread out the purchasing through the whole year, it's easier on the budget.
2.  Avoid trendy toys.  If everyone wants it, the price is higher.  Plus, who knows if your kid will like it six months later (not to mention that a lot of them are tacky).
3. Jump at online price mistakes.  They won't always be honoured, but when they are, you can score big time.  The trick to these is to not hesitate.  If you see a rock bottom price (and you know you have someone who will love it) - buy it.  That price might only last a few minutes. 

I bought these wooden toys made by Hape, from Amazon during the summer.  The toaster cost $6 (regular $27.99), and the mixer $10 (regular $29.99).  I didn't expect the order to be honoured, so was thrilled when they showed up.










3.  Don't spoil your kids rotten.  One or two gifts is enough.  Christmas should not stress you financially.  That stress will effect your relationship with your children and/or spouse.  You don't need that.
4.  Do you and your spouse really need anything?  Consider not buying for each other, or getting something combined instead.
5.  Don't assume Black Friday, or other major sale days will have the best deals.  Know your prices (or research your prices) so you know if you're getting a bargain.
6.  Redeem your store loyalty points for Christmas.  My favourite loyalty programs are Shopper's Optimum (for gifts and stocking stuffers) and PC Plus (for special Christmas food and treats).
7.  Buy used.  Especially for your baby.  You can find almost new toys at thrift stores that are much more budget friendly than buying new.  Plus, it's good for our world, and that's trendy, so get on it.

The bottom line is: Christmas should be a joyful celebration.  When I shop early, and get bargains, it alleviates my stress, and I can enjoy myself so much more.

I hope you all have yourself a thrifty (and merry) little Christmas.

A Tale of Two Parades

It is December.  I have children.  Because I birthed them, I have an obligation to take them to Santa Clause parades and pretend to be happy about it.
This past weekend, I had the horrendous experience privilege of attending two different Santa Clause parades with a toddler and a six-year old.  Before I give you my profound insight, let me share a word about toddlers:

Toddlers do not listen.

Toddlers do not stay still.

Toddlers do not understand consequences.

Toddlers believe Santa will bring them presents no matter how they behave.

Toddlers cuteness is the most effective defence mechanism EVER!

So knowing all that, the logical thing is to take them outside after dark to a crowded street where candy is thrown at them.
 
Before the first parade, we spent the afternoon at a party, ensuring the children were full of candy and the toddler was terrified of Santa, and missed her afternoon nap.  When we arrived home, I was informed by the six year old that we were going to the Hanover parade. 

Note to pastors:  In the future, please don't announce your super fun parade plans while the kids are sitting in the service.  Apparently they hear it.  Apparently they don't forget it.  Apparently they think if you say it, it means we have to go.

I decided to do what I was told (and leave my husband in a quiet house so he could study), and we bundled up and went to the parade.

I strongly recommend just staying home, but if you must go to a parade with a toddler, below are some tips I learned.

1.  Make sure you arrive in town before the road to Tim Horton's is closed.
2.  Make sure you have something other than your toddler's hood to hold all the candy they will score.
3.  Stand with strangers, or your friends might find out you aren't the super mom you want them to think you are.
4.  Put a leash or your toddler. (I didn't.  What a fool I am).
5.  Remember that people who judge us for putting leashes on our toddlers probably don't have toddlers.
6.  Don't even try to take pictures.  Try to find the toddler instead.

But we survived.  The kids loved the parade.  I didn't see most of it.

But we decided to do one the next day anyways, with much more success. 

So, how do you have a successful parade with a toddler?

1.  Make sure it starts right beside your house, and runs directly in front of your porch.



The reason I only have one awful picture to share with you?  Toddler.

After the parade, we saw Santa and went roller-skating.  There was laughter.  There were tears.  And there was blissful silence after they finally went to sleep.

 

 

 

 

It's my late anniversary edition!

It's been a bit over a year since I started this blog.  And while I don't stick to a schedule like good dedicated bloggers do, I enjoy writing when the mood strikes.  So to honour this significant anniversary (which I actually missed by almost a month, but does that really matter?), I thought I would reflect on my year of blogging.

Why I started this blog:

1.  My sister told me to - you didn't see that one coming did you?

2.  My sister has a thrift blitz episode on her lovely blog, and I wanted to be able to brag about my finds.  Like my windows, my yellow china, and my radio.

3.  My Facebook posts were basically turning into mini blog posts, and that's kind of annoying.

4.  I've always liked writing, so I thought, what can it hurt?

Why I plan to continue this blog:

1.  It makes me appreciate the weird things my kids do.  Yes, they still make me crazy half the time, but I am more often recognizing the makings of a slightly exaggerated story that needs to be written.

2.  It gives me a creative outlet.  My job, although I like it, has no room for creativity at all, and I need to express that part of me.

3.  Part of me must be a narcissist, because I love it when people tell me they like what I've written.  I always wonder why people publish and share blog posts and claim they're writing just for themselves.  I write because I enjoy it, but I hope people read it, and I hope they like what they read.  And I hope someday, I might have more than two followers!  How will I ever know I'm loved unless there are lots of little faces on the side of my blog?

4.  It's just me.  There are no deadlines, or expectations.  I can write about what I want, when I want, and that's kind of freeing and wonderful.

5.  It's good practice.  If I ever decide to write something more than a blog, I will be a bit more ready.

6.  It gives me an in to "Writer's Jam", which is a writer's group, but jam sounds way more fun.  If I stop my blog, they'll probably kick me out, and as I sit with these writer's, I'm inspired to do more, and that's a wonderful feeling.  Plus, the eggnog provided is a lovely motivation to keep on going.

7.  Life and kids keep on providing me stories.  Because ordinary jobs like cleaning your fridge just suck, unless you look at it from a different angle.

So the bottom line is, the internet is stuck with this blog for a while longer.  And soon my children will do something else that is worthy of much more than a tweet.

There's Nothing New in this World - or is there?

You know that saying, "there's nothing new in the world"?  Well, it's not true.  I came up with a completely absolutely brand new idea, that no one else has ever thought of.  I know this because I spent three minutes searching on google, and we all know if something does not show up on the first screen of google, IT DOES NOT EXIST!

So, dear world (or three readers who happen to find this), I present to you -

CLEANERCIZING!!!

Since this is a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of, I will provide complete details on how to keep up with this new trend.  FOR FREE!  TODAY!!!

If you send me just 5 payments of $50, I will send you a paper copy of the instructions below, plus a package of random stuff, and YOU TOO can be an exclusive CLEANERCIZER!

For JUST 5 payments of $100, I will include all of the above, plus a CLEANERCIZE hat! 

Really, if you send me money, I promise to send you something back.

Please find below, as promised, the complete CLEANERCIZE method!!!  It is available for a limited time only (the life of this blog, or the life of the internet, whichever ends first), so act fast, so YOU TOO can be an official CLEANERCIZER!

CLEANERCIZE Tutorial

1.  Decide your house is at the point where cleaning is inevitable (aka - you have no clean clothes or dishes, and you cannot find the remote control).
2.  Try to convince your children to clean the house.
3.  Fail.
4.  Suck it up, and get off your butt.
5.  Pick your background music (something you thought was awesome when you were in high school is ideal).
6.  Sing loudly.
7.  Shake your body.
8.  Stop whenever an adult walks in the room.  You know you're sexy, and it will be too much for the other adult to handle.  Be respectful.  CLEANERCIZING is a personal endeavour.
9.  Try all those awesome new dance moves you've been thinking of.
10.  Dance until the cleaning is done.

CLEANERCIZE FAQs

Q:  Who should sign up for CLEANERCIZE?

A:  Anyone who hates cleaning and exercise.  Because if you hate them both, the obvious solution is combining them into one incredibly empowering experience!

Q:  How did you come up with a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of?

A:  One evening, I was in the kitchen cleaning.  It sucked.  I turned on music, starting dancing like an idiot while cleaning, and thought "I should call this CLEANERCIZING and write a blog post about it, because this has clearly never been done before."

Q:  Shouldn't it be spelled cleanercise?

A:  Yes.  But you will find that on google, and I wanted a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of.

Q:  Can I target problem areas of my body with this method?

A:  Absolutely!  Whichever area of your body you would like to work on, just move that more.  Want to tone your butt?  Shake it!  Want to find some abs?  Clean while hula hooping (if you include a video of yourself doing this in the comments, I will give you 5% of the profits made from this post).  The options are endless!

Q:  How many calories does it burn?

A:  All of them!  If you follow this program, you will find that since the cleaning is never done, the CLEANERCIZING is never done, therefore you will Never Ever stop!

Q:  Why do you call it CLEANERCIZE instead of cleanercize?

A:  Obviously things that are written in all caps are much more official and exciting.  To read it properly, imagine the sham-wow infomercial man yelling "CLEANERCIZE" at you.  Now re-read the entire post, with Mr. Sham-wow's voice in your head.

Now tell me you're not ready to send me $250!

Disclaimer:  Any resemblance between CLEANERCIZE and any existing exercise program is purely a result of me not researching completely.  But I doubt your business will be threatened because of this blog post.  If it is, you may need to start looking into another line of work.

Procrastinating like a pro

I have been working for my current employer for about three years, and I have finally signed up to take a course she has been wanting me to.  Thankfully she understands I have kids, and was kind enough not to push me.  But, thanks to some nudging from my husband, I decided to just do it and get it done.  So I am now signed up for the Canadian Securities Course (and no, I will not be a security guard after).  It consists of two text books, two exams, and a year to complete.  There is no class room, and no one to make sure I've done my homework.  Unfortunately for me, I am not great at self-starting (or finishing - ask my husband how many years ago I started knitting his sweater).  Really it's amazing anything ever gets started or finished in my life. 

But I did start (and have thankfully passed the first exam).

I signed up, got the books, looked at the chapter headings and freaked out.  Because honestly, with chapter headings like "Fixed Income Securities"; "Derivatives"; and "Segregated Funds", what other reaction is to be expected?  I work in a financial business, but we don't deal with half this stuff, and if it's irrelevant to my work, and incredibly boring, I'm not very motivated to learn it.  So I said to myself "suck it up Princess", and started reading. 

So here is my step-by-step guide to studying for unmotivated procrastinators like myself.

1.  Order Supplies (books, audio books, study notes, caffeine, chocolate, alcohol).
2.  Book your exam.
3.  Make a very detailed study calendar giving yourself four days to complete each chapter.
4.  Study hard the first three days so you get ahead of schedule.
5.  Celebrate your hard work by taking a week off.
6.  Re-do your study calendar, giving yourself three days for each remaining chapter.
7.  Study every day for a week.
8.  Get sick for four days.
9.  Re-do your study calendar, giving yourself two days for each remaining chapter.
10.  Study every day for 10 days.
11.  Attend an exam prep course.
12.  Do a mock exam.
13.  Assume you are about to fail.
14.  Write first exam.
15.  Find out you passed the exam.
16.  Realize, "hey that wasn't so bad.  I can do the second one no problem".
17.  Make the keen observation that you work best under pressure.
18.  Book exam for 2 1/2 months later
19.  Take two weeks off before you start studying.
20.  Repeat steps 3 to 6.
21.  Take a month off.
20.  Realize you have one month left before the exam.
21.  Make a wreath with your kid.
22.  Have a Walking Dead marathon.
23.  Join a writer's group.
24.  Start volunteering with your church again.
25.  Realize you are completely crazy, and should maybe re-schedule your exam.
26.  Realize that if you reschedule, you will just do the exact same ridiculous procrastination techniques as before.
27.  Think to yourself, "just do it!"
28.  Start studying tomorrow.

Things Kids Say

My kids are weird.  It's not an opinion, it is a fact.  Their weirdness frustrates me, amuses me, and confuses me all at the same time.   I've been reflecting on some of the weird conversations we've had, and decided to compile them all in one place so it will be more convenient to embarrass them with when they are older.  Isn't it nice how I plan ahead?  And, I've even updated this!

 Conversations with Paige

7 Years Old

This entire monologue.

Paige:  "I just don't know how I would choose!"
Me:  "I promise!  Mommy and Daddy will never run for President at the same time."

Me:  "Come on baby!"
Paige:  "I'm not a baby!"
Me:  "You were my baby, so you're always my baby."
Paige:  "Well, I don't drink out of your boobs anymore!"

Paige:  "I want to set-up a video camera in my room to see if the tooth fairy is real."

Me:  "You cannot baptize your sister!"

Paige:  "Ontario has lots of energy, so THAT's why I'm hyper!"

Paige:  "Can we go walk around a graveyard and see if there are any dead people we know?"

Paige:  "My mouth hurts.  Is it bleeding?"
Me:  "No blood.  Why does it hurt?"
Paige:  "Because I tied a string to my tooth and the bathroom door then kicked it."

Me:  "We don't get permanent tattoos in a tent in a parking lot."



6 Years Old

Me:  "Are you barking out the window?" (And yes, she and Elsie were barking out the window).

Paige:  "Why did the banana want nipples?"
Me:  "I don't know.  Why?"
Paige:  "Because it wanted to be a person."

Paige:  "Santa must be a really good hunter because he doesn't talk much and has magic."

Me:  "Stop moving the couch with your teeth!"

Me:  "Everyone has nipples."
Paige:  "Oh.  Like my famous nipples?"  (I still have no idea why she thinks her nipples are famous)

Paige:  "When I have a baby, I want it to come out my bum because cuts aren't very nice!"  (I guess it's never too early to come up with a birth plan.)

Paige:  "I really want to give you a hug, but I'm so mad I'm worried I'll punch you instead!"

Paige:  "Mommy!  I lost twenty thousand dollars at church!"

Me:  "A baboon is not a kind of deer" (She still does not believe me).


5 Years Old

Me:  "Stop licking that car!"

Paige:  "If you're on Pluto, do not take off your clothes.  It is very, very cold!"

Me:  (From upstairs) "Paige!"
Paige:  (From downstairs) "God?  Is that you?"

Paige:  "I did the Terry Fox run today, but couldn't run the whole time because I had cancer in my foot, but then it went away."  (The previous year I had to explain that Terry Fox was a man, not a fox).

Me:  "Even if I don't see you do bad things, Jesus still does."
Paige:  "I wish he couldn't see me do that."

Me:  "The Bible says to obey your parents."
Paige:  "Mine doesn't!"







4 Years Old

Me:  "Did the detangling spray taste good?"  (The answer was yes, if you are wondering.  Also, the people at the poison control call centre are wonderful).

Paige:  "What's that?"
Me:  "Vanilla"
Paige:  "Oh, I thought it was fly spit."

Paige:  "What's for supper?"
Me:  "Chicken wings, rice and peas."
Paige:  "Ewww!  Like the stuff that comes out your bum?"

Paige:  "This is how you make oranges:  You put orange juice in the fridge, then you wait til they're warm, make sure the juice isn't melted, then put peels on them."

Conversations with Elsie

3 Years Old

Me (before her Kung Fu Class):  "Go kick some butt."
Elsie:  "I don't kick butts.  I kick faces."

Me:  "Should we have soup for supper?"
Elsie:  "Campbell's Soup"

Elsie:  "Look!  I made da big dipper with my poop!"

Me (filling out school questionnaire):  "What do you do when you're hungry?"
Elsie:  "Say "ABRACADABRA, turn me into food!"

Me:  "Why did you rub ketchup all over yourself?"
Elsie:  "Cause it's sticky."

Elsie:  "Kitty caught a mouse.  HE DIDN'T USE A PLATE!"

Me:  "Clean up the living room please."
Elsie:  "I can't."
Me:  "Why not?"
Elsie:  "Cause I'm a little bit shy."

Elsie:  "How you pour milk in your boobs?"

Elsie (hands me puked up chicken):  "I puked.  Can I have chocolate?"
Me:  "You don't get chocolate when you puke."
Elsie:  "But I don't puke chocolate."

Elsie:  "Can I have cheese?"
Me:  "We don't have any."
Elsie:  "Can I have milk?"
Me:  "It's all gone too."
Elsie:  "Can we go trick-or-treating?" (It was February).

Me:  "I'm going to make supper."
Elsie:  What kind?"
Me:  "Fish."
Elsie (looking terrified):  "Are they gonna wiggle?"

Elsie:  "Look!  I sittin' in da clean laundry!"
Me:  "Why?"
Elsie:  "Cause it's safe.  Like a potty."

Elsie (in the car):  "Honk da horny beeper!"

Elsie:  "I wanna see da cows!"
Me: "What cows?"
Elsie:  "Da mooooo cows."
Me:  "Where?"
Elsie:  "At da hoe down!"

Elsie:  "I no like dis" (as she hands me my deodorant with bite marks in it).

2 Years Old

Elsie (sneezes):  "Dat was a big mouth fart."


Elsie:  "Where Hyposis?  Hyposis at home.  I found Hyposis!"  (She has named her toy pony Hypothesis - Typical toddler who watches Dinosaur Train.)

Elsie:  "Pecorn peese"
Me:  Give her peppercorns, and she happily chews and swallows them (this has happened multiple times.  She really likes them!)

Elsie (while pulling on my head):  "Git head off!"

Elsie:  "Dirdy nana peese"  (Dirty banana please)






It's conversations like this that make me wish I could read minds, and see what is going on in those pretty little heads.

My dog died last night...

The girls were in bed.  The house was quiet.  Too quiet...

I get up to get myself a tasty beverage, and step over the dog.  My foot brushes him.

Something is not right.  His body is too still. His leg is sticking up in an unnatural position.

I squat beside him.  Put my hand on his chest.  No movement can be felt.  His heavy breathing has stilled.  He is much too quiet.

I scratch his head - no reaction.

 

I shake him - nothing

 

I shake him violently, and yell his name - he remains still.  Too still.

 

It hits me.  My dog is dead!

My mind starts racing.  My husband is gone for the week - how do I break it to him?  How do I tell my children?  What do I do with the body?  Who do I call for help?

I breathe deeply, trying to hold in my grief.  Apparently I loved this slobbering oaf more than I realized.

I get up from beside his still body, trying to remain calm.  I search for the phone, having decided to call my brother-in-law for help. 

Before I dial, something compels me to turn around.  And there, sitting and staring at me in complete silence is the dog, very much not dead.

I squeal in delight, pet him, tell him what a good boy he is, and give him a treat simply for being alive.

But as I reflect, I wonder - is he really alive?  Or are zombies real, and a canine version is living in my house.

Beyond the chippy door...

The birds are chirping, the grass has been cut - spring is really here!  And with spring comes the beginning of yard sale season.  I'm assuming all other thrift-loving people are as overjoyed as I am.  My house is full of furniture, so I have to pass up on many adorable pieces I see, even if they are a bargain.  Instead, I am hunting for yellow china, and wall art (otherwise known as things that are cheap, and won't add to the clutter - and no, tea cups ARE NOT clutter).

So far this year, my finds have been windows.  I don't know why people are selling their awesome old windows, and I especially don't know why they are selling them for so cheap.  They obviously don't spend enough time on Pinterest, or they would either keep them or charge more.  But them having better things to do than spend a day on Pinterest benefits me, so I won't complain too much.

So far this month I have scored three windows, and spent a total of $4.50 on them.  But getting the windows is the easy part.  Deciding which genius idea to do with them is difficult.  And I am on a time crunch.  Last year I got a free door, and the agreement my husband I came up with was I had two weeks to do something with it, or my sister would get it.  I now use that rule for all my DIY project finds - meaning I have one more week to come up with something for my last window, - any ideas???   If I don't come up with something, my sister will get it, do something genius, blog about it, and make my windows look pitiful.

My first score was $0.50.  It's actually a door, not a window, but same idea.  I was surprised to see anything left at a yard sale after noon let alone a cute little door.  I need to finish this one still (meaning I need to find a sharpie, because I know I have one somewhere, and I really hope I find it before my toddler does).  I have a plan.  I have everything ready.  I just need my sharpie!  Perhaps I will share the finished product at a later date (if I find that sharpie).
 
 
My next score was from a much anticipated yard sale.  The signs were up three weeks before hand, making me think it would be the ultimate treasure trove of old wonderful junk.  The day arrived, and the girls and I went.  It wasn't as big as I hoped, but I did score. 

 
I would have missed the windows completely, except I went to investigate a $10-beautiful-beaten
-chippypaint-itwouldmakemyissterjealous-door.  I had no intention of buying it, since I already have one as a decoration, and once we do renovations will have two or three more to play with. 

But beyond the chippy door, were the windows.  Dirty, and cracked, and leaning up against a tree trunk like they were pieces of junk.

"How much?"
"Two dollars each."

I know you should negotiate at garage sales, but seriously?  $2 each?  And for that size of window?  I gave her four dollars before she could change her mind.


And then I tried to carry two windows home while pushing a stroller.  That lasted three feet before I asked if I could come back with the car in five minutes.

The rest of the trip home was uneventful.  But upon arrival, I got to work immediately - I needed to prove that I would use them.

The place above my piano was desperately in need of something.  Luckily one of the windows is a lovely size of something.  The next dilemma was deciding what to put in it.

My first attempt was an old map that was left in a closet from a previous owner of our home. 

But I wasn't happy with it.  I love old maps.  I think they're interesting, and beautiful.  But this one didn't have enough colour.  I googled free printable maps, but no luck.  But in google world, I found www.thegraphicsfairy.com, and discovered a new happy place!  You can't always get an old map, but you can get vintage seed magazine type prints!  And frankly, if you're trying to decorate cheaply, you take what you can get.

So if you have any artwork needs, check out that site.  It has tons of awesome stuff - you could decorate your kitchen just with vintage mushroom prints (which would be adorable). 

It was not a complicated process to make this.  But in the interest of putting more words in a blog, here is how I did it.

1.  Print around 15 pictures you like - trim them if necessary.
2.  Use 8 of them, because you don't plan ahead, and didn't know how many you would use.
3.  Arrange them the way you like.
4.  Tape them together, and then to the back of the window.  Try to place the tape so it won't be seen.
5.  Raid your fabric stash and find something you like.
6.  Cut a piece of it - don't iron it, you don't have time for that and it will throw off your crafting flow.
7.  Stretch the fabric, and use thumbtacks to keep it in place.
8.  Set it where you want it, and enjoy your new $2 artwork.

I like the colours, I like the price, and I really like the prints.  I may change it again in the future, but for now it makes me happy, and isn't that the purpose of our decorations?

If you are a fellow thrifter, check out my sister's Thrift Blitz episodes, and join in the fun.  If you are not a thrifter, you have no idea the fun you are missing.

Children's book review (spoiler alert - the book ends up in the fire)

Our local library (which is small and friendly and wonderful), always has a couple shelves of books for sale.  Every time I'm there I have to look over them in case there are wonderful treasures that need to join my personal library.  A couple weeks ago, my two year old grabbed a couple board books from the shelf.  Instead of making her put them back, I gave her a few coins and let her make her very first purchase (a touching moment that she will reflect back on for many years to come).  We brought them home, they got put down somewhere, and forgotten about until tonight.
Elsie came prancing up to me with book in hand asking me to read her a story.  We went and sat together, with Paige joining in as well.
I read the title:  Having Fun.  The first page starts with it being a rainy day, mommy's cleaning, and the kids need something to do.  Why do the kids need something to do when mommy's cleaning? Why don't the kids help mommy clean?  That would make a much better story - mommy's cleaning, the kids happily help, no one yells, the house gets clean, they all eat ice cream and are happy, the end (another spoiler alert - that story I just made up is waaaaay better than the one I'm reviewing).  Anyways, I make a remark to the girls that the kids should help their mommy, but I get over it (for a moment), and turn the page.  The first thing I notice on this page is the use of the word locomotive.  I personally would have used train for a book geared towards toddlers, but to each their own. 

But then I see the first spelling mistake...

"ans" is not a word. 

And two pages later is this

The placement of apostrophe's should not be complicated!

 Followed by this on the very next page.

Beatiful?  Really?  I had to fight with my spellcheck to allow it to leave it that way.  Plus, they spell it correctly on a following page.

I close the book, and tell the girls I will burn it because it was awful.

And then I stew about it for three hours.

And then I look at the book to find the publisher to complain about it.

The publisher, shockingly, seems to no longer be in business.  I wonder what happened?

And then I ponder how a book could make it through an author, an editor, an illustrator, a publisher, and a printer with all those mistakes in it.

And then I start thinking about what kind of children's book I could write, because apparently anything can get published.

And then I write a blog about it, while being completely aware and paranoid there will most likely be glaringly obvious errors within this post.  Won't that be ironic?

But then I think, no one is paying for this, so it's more forgivable.

And then I wonder how did they come up with $3.95 as the price for the book, and who in their right mind paid that?

And then I use spell check (if you don't use it, please start), publish my post, burn a book and go to sleep.

Disclaimer: I know that English is a difficult language, and many people struggle with spelling and grammar.  This is in no way bashing them.  This is bashing the people that insult real writers (I do not claim to be one) hard work by pushing out a book with no effort or editing.

Hopelessly Devoted

Meet Bandit (quite aptly named it turns out).  He started off cute and cuddly, and if he stepped on your foot the pain wouldn't last for days.  We brought him home, and started off as good pet owners.  We bought him the expensive dog food the breeder recommended, kept up to date on his shots, took him for walks (and carried him when his little legs just couldn't make it home), we bathed and brushed him regularly.


Bandit the day we brought him home.



 And then he gained 150 pounds (at least).  We knew Newfoundland's were big dogs, but somehow that size seems bigger when you put it in a house in town.  Now, if he steps on my foot, it hurts A LOT.  Giving him a bath is quite the dramatic affair. Walks turn into runs followed by shoulder pain.  And the expensive dog food?  Yeah, that lasted maybe a month.

But with his size, came some surprises.  Did you know that a 175 pound dog can reach the kitchen counter without trying?  He just walks past and inhales whatever is there.  And it doesn't matter if you try to train him.  The temptation for human food is too much to resist! 



Pregnancy photo shoot

Want steak for supper?  Don't defrost them on the counter.  Even in a stone crock, the dog can still get to them.
A piping hot whole chicken is fair game if your child suddenly needs a diaper change.  Considerately, the dog will leave no evidence behind.
I cannot count how many loaves of bread have mysteriously disappeared.  (He is very discerning and only steals homemade bread).
Peanut butter - forgot to put it away after making a sandwich?  A dogs tongue is surprisingly long and he can clean the container out for you.
You know those delicious buns with the butter baked right onto the top?  Bandit likes those too, but he prefers to lick the butter off before they are baked.
Trail mix - He doesn't like to eat it.  He just wants to show how clever he is that he can open Tupperware and scatter the contents all over the floor for a nice welcome home gift.

Add to that list the extra housework he causes, the blankets he's ruined, the refinished floor he gnawed, a window he's broken, and the car he damaged by running in front of it (dog: bloody lip, car: $1500 damage), and logic screams "GET RID OF THAT FREAKIN' DOG"!


Paige with her best friend.

But I don't, and I justify it by saying he is good with the kids, his size will intimidate people who want to break in, he does weird things that make us laugh, and he makes me feel safe when the husband is gone.

He drives me crazy and costs us a fortune.  And yet, I know my threats to put him for sale on Kijiji are completely empty.  The conclusion?  It must be love.  (But don't you dare call me his mommy!)

Fancy Finds

Long, long ago, when I was just engaged, and pondering the perfect wonder that I knew my marriage would be, I went to the Toronto wedding show.  I had no intention of using any of the vendors, but knew I might score some freebies, and hopefully some inspiration.  One of the booths I visited was a fancy kitchen store, where they had a registry just for wedding china.  I had no idea people still got wedding china.  I thought it was ridiculous, and would never ask people to buy me such a pricey gift. But the free glasses offered for creating a registry were cute, so I signed up, picked out my fancy pattern, and never told anyone we were registered there.  (That may not be ethical, but I have no guilt when I use those glasses). 

That was the end of my interest in fine china until Paige's first birthday drew near.  There is nothing like having a growing baby in your house to make you say: "hey, I need more fragile and sentimental items in this house for my child to destroy!"  But her approaching birthday made me remember my own childhood parties.

My fondest birthday memories are not the cute cakes my mom made, the gifts, or playing pass the bag (which I could probably write an entire blog post about).  My best memories are having a birthday dinner on the same disposable Care Bears table cloth every year (which I believe mom tossed when they moved, and it broke my heart a little bit), and eating birthday cake with a slice (not a scoop) of checker board ice cream off my mother's lovely bridal rose china.  There is something so pleasing about eating something messy off of beautiful dishes. 

So I decided that my daughter needed to experience those same joys and traditions.  The disposable table cloth was easy to find, but the china is a continuing adventure.  I looked into buying fine china, and wanted to choke - I am cheap, and fancy dishes are not!  So I put my dream of having a cabinet full of dishes that I would dust off and use just twice a year on the back burner.  But then a couple years later, providence rekindled my desire for fanciness.  My grandparents-in-law were downsizing, so Grandma took me to the china cabinet and asked me what I would like.  I chose a yellow plate, and a yellow cup and saucer. 

I took them home, put them on a shelf, and had an epiphany!

Who decided china collections have to match?  And why am I trying to be fancy and traditional?  My furniture is mismatched, and I like it,  so why not do the same thing with my dishes?  I already owned two yellow pieces of china (three if you count the cup and saucer separately), so what better thing to do than expand my collection?  From that moment, every garage sale, thrift store, flea market and dump (yep, you read that right) I go to, I always check the dishes, looking for pretty yellow china to add to my eclectic collection.  It gives purpose to my thrifting, and it is such a thrill when I find a new piece!  So far I have only found cups and saucers (which make a woodland tea party so fancy and fun), and I have not spent more than $5 on a set.  I would be willing to spend more than that on plates, and far more on a yellow teapot (my dream item).

While it may not be everyone's cup of tea (I couldn't resist), if you want fine china, have a limited budget, and like the eclectic look, this might be the perfect solution for you!




My thrifty yellow finds.

If you want to start a similar collection, here are some tips for you:

• Choose a colour, or theme (I was drawn to the yellow in Grandma's cupboard, because as a kid "lellow" hugs and kisses were the very best kind, and obviously I am trying to relive my childhood through my children).  You could choose roses, or gold, or country of origin, or just simply your adoration for each and every one.  Your collection, your choice!
• If you want to build up your collection quickly, choose a common theme.  Yellow is not common.  My collection will take years to complete, but it will be absolutely worth it!  If I had chosen pink, my cabinet would likely be overflowing by now, but I doubt it would make me as happy as my little yellow collection does.  Plus, everyone has pink and I don't want to be like everyone.
• Decide if you care about quality.  If you care, you will want to educate yourself so you know what you are looking for.  My standard is simply no chips or cracks (unless it's so pretty and cheap enough to make the damage irrelevant).
• Tell your friends and family what you are collecting, and what your budget per piece is.  If they see something for your collection, they can grab it for you before someone else takes it.  Bonus - you might get pretty china instead of an ugly sweater for your next birthday!
• Cups and saucers are the easiest to find, so you can afford to be pickier with which ones you bring home.
• Yard sales are cheapest and flea markets are the most expensive (in my experience anyways).  Remember at yard sales, they don't want to pack it up after.  If the sellers are ready to be done, you can likely get a great bargain.
• If something doesn't fit your theme, but you love it, get it anyways!  Eclectic means you can do what you want.

If you are a fellow thrifter, go check out my sister's blog here, and join her thrift blitz party by linking up your finds!  You can even start your own blog for the sole purpose of joining the party.  Who knows, you might even enjoy it!

How to Clean Your Fridge

My fridge is sadly empty, so I decided (since I could clearly see the grossness) that it was time to clean it.  After completing (or starting?) this project, I decided to make up a how-to guide, because I'm just helpful like that.

1.  Open fridge.
2.  Contemplate going grocery shopping immediately to hide the mess with food.
3.  Determine shopping on a Friday night with kids is far worse than cleaning the fridge.
4.  Work from the top down.
5.  Clear the shelf.  Dispose of unidentifiable items. 
6.  Wipe the shelf.  Scrape the shelf.  Remove gross rag from toddler's mouth.  Wipe the shelf.  Get fresh water.  Repeat until clean.
7.  Wipe containers before putting them back on the shelf.
8.  Admire your work.
9.  Repeat step 5 with the second shelf.
10.  Take chocolate sauce away from toddler, wondering how much she actually drank before you noticed.
11.  Repeat step 6 with second shelf.
12.  Take chocolate sauce away from your toddler.  Scrub the floor where chocolate sauce was joyfully squeezed out.
13.  Try to convince toddler to go play with sibling.  Fail horribly.
14.  Repeat step 10.
15.  Remove chocolate sauce from toddlers reach.  Wonder why you did not do this sooner, and why you think this would be the day your toddler would respect the word "No".
16.  Repeat step 7 with second shelf.
17.  Repeat step 2.
18.  Reconsider step 3.
19.  Repeat steps 5, 6 & 7, while being hit on the back by a toddler enthusiastically yelling "PANG A BUM" (spank the bum).
20.  Remove bottom shelf from fridge completely because it is too disgusting and needs to soak.
21.  Contemplate how you can soak a huge shelf while your toddler yells "JUJUJU?" (What you do?)
22.  Come up with a clever solution.  Put it on Pinterest
23.  Wonder why you never saw your mother cleaning her fridge like this, and how you will never be the woman she is, and wonder if she ever slept, because she must have cleaned the fridge, but there are no witnesses, so did it really happen?
24.  Remove toddler from fridge.
25.  Scrape soy sauce/maple syrup/juice/who-knows-what-that-is mixture off the bottom of the fridge.  Try not to guess how long it's been there for.
26.  Wash bottom of the fridge.
27.  Repeat step 24, while wondering why your toddler is suddenly calling the fridge a shower.
28.  Clean the produce drawers while feeling a little guilty that you don't have much produce in there for the children.  Wonder at the marvel that is your mother who always seemed to have fresh produce on hand, and none of it ever went to waste.  Consider calling to tell her she is your hero.
29.  Admire your clean fridge (make sure you ignore the door, which you have not got to yet).
30.  Put children to bed.
31.  Write a blog post about cleaning the fridge.
32.  Repeat steps 1-30 on the door, replacing toddler with pet.
32.  Go grocery shopping so no one will ever see that you cleaned your fridge.