Have Yourself a Thrifty Little Christmas

I originally started this blog because my sister has her own (much better) blog, and I wanted to join in her link-up parties.  It's really the only kind of party I get invited to, so I should probably be social and join.  Plus, the fact that I don't have to find a babysitter, get dressed, leave the house, and pretend to be social is really quite appealing to me.

So I started this blog, so I too could participate in the wonders of Thrift Blitz!

If you are thrifty, you should start a blog so you can join the party too!

I think there is a blogger contract somewhere that says everyone with a blog must write a Christmas post, or at least share their post from previous years. 

So, in the interest of jumping on the Christmas blog bandwagon, here are my tips to having a thrifty Christmas.

1.  Watch for bargains all year long.  Find a savings site, or Facebook group (my favourite is www.savingsguru.ca), and they can do the work for you.  If you spread out the purchasing through the whole year, it's easier on the budget.
2.  Avoid trendy toys.  If everyone wants it, the price is higher.  Plus, who knows if your kid will like it six months later (not to mention that a lot of them are tacky).
3. Jump at online price mistakes.  They won't always be honoured, but when they are, you can score big time.  The trick to these is to not hesitate.  If you see a rock bottom price (and you know you have someone who will love it) - buy it.  That price might only last a few minutes. 

I bought these wooden toys made by Hape, from Amazon during the summer.  The toaster cost $6 (regular $27.99), and the mixer $10 (regular $29.99).  I didn't expect the order to be honoured, so was thrilled when they showed up.










3.  Don't spoil your kids rotten.  One or two gifts is enough.  Christmas should not stress you financially.  That stress will effect your relationship with your children and/or spouse.  You don't need that.
4.  Do you and your spouse really need anything?  Consider not buying for each other, or getting something combined instead.
5.  Don't assume Black Friday, or other major sale days will have the best deals.  Know your prices (or research your prices) so you know if you're getting a bargain.
6.  Redeem your store loyalty points for Christmas.  My favourite loyalty programs are Shopper's Optimum (for gifts and stocking stuffers) and PC Plus (for special Christmas food and treats).
7.  Buy used.  Especially for your baby.  You can find almost new toys at thrift stores that are much more budget friendly than buying new.  Plus, it's good for our world, and that's trendy, so get on it.

The bottom line is: Christmas should be a joyful celebration.  When I shop early, and get bargains, it alleviates my stress, and I can enjoy myself so much more.

I hope you all have yourself a thrifty (and merry) little Christmas.

A Tale of Two Parades

It is December.  I have children.  Because I birthed them, I have an obligation to take them to Santa Clause parades and pretend to be happy about it.
This past weekend, I had the horrendous experience privilege of attending two different Santa Clause parades with a toddler and a six-year old.  Before I give you my profound insight, let me share a word about toddlers:

Toddlers do not listen.

Toddlers do not stay still.

Toddlers do not understand consequences.

Toddlers believe Santa will bring them presents no matter how they behave.

Toddlers cuteness is the most effective defence mechanism EVER!

So knowing all that, the logical thing is to take them outside after dark to a crowded street where candy is thrown at them.
 
Before the first parade, we spent the afternoon at a party, ensuring the children were full of candy and the toddler was terrified of Santa, and missed her afternoon nap.  When we arrived home, I was informed by the six year old that we were going to the Hanover parade. 

Note to pastors:  In the future, please don't announce your super fun parade plans while the kids are sitting in the service.  Apparently they hear it.  Apparently they don't forget it.  Apparently they think if you say it, it means we have to go.

I decided to do what I was told (and leave my husband in a quiet house so he could study), and we bundled up and went to the parade.

I strongly recommend just staying home, but if you must go to a parade with a toddler, below are some tips I learned.

1.  Make sure you arrive in town before the road to Tim Horton's is closed.
2.  Make sure you have something other than your toddler's hood to hold all the candy they will score.
3.  Stand with strangers, or your friends might find out you aren't the super mom you want them to think you are.
4.  Put a leash or your toddler. (I didn't.  What a fool I am).
5.  Remember that people who judge us for putting leashes on our toddlers probably don't have toddlers.
6.  Don't even try to take pictures.  Try to find the toddler instead.

But we survived.  The kids loved the parade.  I didn't see most of it.

But we decided to do one the next day anyways, with much more success. 

So, how do you have a successful parade with a toddler?

1.  Make sure it starts right beside your house, and runs directly in front of your porch.



The reason I only have one awful picture to share with you?  Toddler.

After the parade, we saw Santa and went roller-skating.  There was laughter.  There were tears.  And there was blissful silence after they finally went to sleep.

 

 

 

 

There's Nothing New in this World - or is there?

You know that saying, "there's nothing new in the world"?  Well, it's not true.  I came up with a completely absolutely brand new idea, that no one else has ever thought of.  I know this because I spent three minutes searching on google, and we all know if something does not show up on the first screen of google, IT DOES NOT EXIST!

So, dear world (or three readers who happen to find this), I present to you -

CLEANERCIZING!!!

Since this is a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of, I will provide complete details on how to keep up with this new trend.  FOR FREE!  TODAY!!!

If you send me just 5 payments of $50, I will send you a paper copy of the instructions below, plus a package of random stuff, and YOU TOO can be an exclusive CLEANERCIZER!

For JUST 5 payments of $100, I will include all of the above, plus a CLEANERCIZE hat! 

Really, if you send me money, I promise to send you something back.

Please find below, as promised, the complete CLEANERCIZE method!!!  It is available for a limited time only (the life of this blog, or the life of the internet, whichever ends first), so act fast, so YOU TOO can be an official CLEANERCIZER!

CLEANERCIZE Tutorial

1.  Decide your house is at the point where cleaning is inevitable (aka - you have no clean clothes or dishes, and you cannot find the remote control).
2.  Try to convince your children to clean the house.
3.  Fail.
4.  Suck it up, and get off your butt.
5.  Pick your background music (something you thought was awesome when you were in high school is ideal).
6.  Sing loudly.
7.  Shake your body.
8.  Stop whenever an adult walks in the room.  You know you're sexy, and it will be too much for the other adult to handle.  Be respectful.  CLEANERCIZING is a personal endeavour.
9.  Try all those awesome new dance moves you've been thinking of.
10.  Dance until the cleaning is done.

CLEANERCIZE FAQs

Q:  Who should sign up for CLEANERCIZE?

A:  Anyone who hates cleaning and exercise.  Because if you hate them both, the obvious solution is combining them into one incredibly empowering experience!

Q:  How did you come up with a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of?

A:  One evening, I was in the kitchen cleaning.  It sucked.  I turned on music, starting dancing like an idiot while cleaning, and thought "I should call this CLEANERCIZING and write a blog post about it, because this has clearly never been done before."

Q:  Shouldn't it be spelled cleanercise?

A:  Yes.  But you will find that on google, and I wanted a completely absolutely brand new idea that no one else has ever thought of.

Q:  Can I target problem areas of my body with this method?

A:  Absolutely!  Whichever area of your body you would like to work on, just move that more.  Want to tone your butt?  Shake it!  Want to find some abs?  Clean while hula hooping (if you include a video of yourself doing this in the comments, I will give you 5% of the profits made from this post).  The options are endless!

Q:  How many calories does it burn?

A:  All of them!  If you follow this program, you will find that since the cleaning is never done, the CLEANERCIZING is never done, therefore you will Never Ever stop!

Q:  Why do you call it CLEANERCIZE instead of cleanercize?

A:  Obviously things that are written in all caps are much more official and exciting.  To read it properly, imagine the sham-wow infomercial man yelling "CLEANERCIZE" at you.  Now re-read the entire post, with Mr. Sham-wow's voice in your head.

Now tell me you're not ready to send me $250!

Disclaimer:  Any resemblance between CLEANERCIZE and any existing exercise program is purely a result of me not researching completely.  But I doubt your business will be threatened because of this blog post.  If it is, you may need to start looking into another line of work.

Procrastinating like a pro

I have been working for my current employer for about three years, and I have finally signed up to take a course she has been wanting me to.  Thankfully she understands I have kids, and was kind enough not to push me.  But, thanks to some nudging from my husband, I decided to just do it and get it done.  So I am now signed up for the Canadian Securities Course (and no, I will not be a security guard after).  It consists of two text books, two exams, and a year to complete.  There is no class room, and no one to make sure I've done my homework.  Unfortunately for me, I am not great at self-starting (or finishing - ask my husband how many years ago I started knitting his sweater).  Really it's amazing anything ever gets started or finished in my life. 

But I did start (and have thankfully passed the first exam).

I signed up, got the books, looked at the chapter headings and freaked out.  Because honestly, with chapter headings like "Fixed Income Securities"; "Derivatives"; and "Segregated Funds", what other reaction is to be expected?  I work in a financial business, but we don't deal with half this stuff, and if it's irrelevant to my work, and incredibly boring, I'm not very motivated to learn it.  So I said to myself "suck it up Princess", and started reading. 

So here is my step-by-step guide to studying for unmotivated procrastinators like myself.

1.  Order Supplies (books, audio books, study notes, caffeine, chocolate, alcohol).
2.  Book your exam.
3.  Make a very detailed study calendar giving yourself four days to complete each chapter.
4.  Study hard the first three days so you get ahead of schedule.
5.  Celebrate your hard work by taking a week off.
6.  Re-do your study calendar, giving yourself three days for each remaining chapter.
7.  Study every day for a week.
8.  Get sick for four days.
9.  Re-do your study calendar, giving yourself two days for each remaining chapter.
10.  Study every day for 10 days.
11.  Attend an exam prep course.
12.  Do a mock exam.
13.  Assume you are about to fail.
14.  Write first exam.
15.  Find out you passed the exam.
16.  Realize, "hey that wasn't so bad.  I can do the second one no problem".
17.  Make the keen observation that you work best under pressure.
18.  Book exam for 2 1/2 months later
19.  Take two weeks off before you start studying.
20.  Repeat steps 3 to 6.
21.  Take a month off.
20.  Realize you have one month left before the exam.
21.  Make a wreath with your kid.
22.  Have a Walking Dead marathon.
23.  Join a writer's group.
24.  Start volunteering with your church again.
25.  Realize you are completely crazy, and should maybe re-schedule your exam.
26.  Realize that if you reschedule, you will just do the exact same ridiculous procrastination techniques as before.
27.  Think to yourself, "just do it!"
28.  Start studying tomorrow.

How to Clean Your Fridge

My fridge is sadly empty, so I decided (since I could clearly see the grossness) that it was time to clean it.  After completing (or starting?) this project, I decided to make up a how-to guide, because I'm just helpful like that.

1.  Open fridge.
2.  Contemplate going grocery shopping immediately to hide the mess with food.
3.  Determine shopping on a Friday night with kids is far worse than cleaning the fridge.
4.  Work from the top down.
5.  Clear the shelf.  Dispose of unidentifiable items. 
6.  Wipe the shelf.  Scrape the shelf.  Remove gross rag from toddler's mouth.  Wipe the shelf.  Get fresh water.  Repeat until clean.
7.  Wipe containers before putting them back on the shelf.
8.  Admire your work.
9.  Repeat step 5 with the second shelf.
10.  Take chocolate sauce away from toddler, wondering how much she actually drank before you noticed.
11.  Repeat step 6 with second shelf.
12.  Take chocolate sauce away from your toddler.  Scrub the floor where chocolate sauce was joyfully squeezed out.
13.  Try to convince toddler to go play with sibling.  Fail horribly.
14.  Repeat step 10.
15.  Remove chocolate sauce from toddlers reach.  Wonder why you did not do this sooner, and why you think this would be the day your toddler would respect the word "No".
16.  Repeat step 7 with second shelf.
17.  Repeat step 2.
18.  Reconsider step 3.
19.  Repeat steps 5, 6 & 7, while being hit on the back by a toddler enthusiastically yelling "PANG A BUM" (spank the bum).
20.  Remove bottom shelf from fridge completely because it is too disgusting and needs to soak.
21.  Contemplate how you can soak a huge shelf while your toddler yells "JUJUJU?" (What you do?)
22.  Come up with a clever solution.  Put it on Pinterest
23.  Wonder why you never saw your mother cleaning her fridge like this, and how you will never be the woman she is, and wonder if she ever slept, because she must have cleaned the fridge, but there are no witnesses, so did it really happen?
24.  Remove toddler from fridge.
25.  Scrape soy sauce/maple syrup/juice/who-knows-what-that-is mixture off the bottom of the fridge.  Try not to guess how long it's been there for.
26.  Wash bottom of the fridge.
27.  Repeat step 24, while wondering why your toddler is suddenly calling the fridge a shower.
28.  Clean the produce drawers while feeling a little guilty that you don't have much produce in there for the children.  Wonder at the marvel that is your mother who always seemed to have fresh produce on hand, and none of it ever went to waste.  Consider calling to tell her she is your hero.
29.  Admire your clean fridge (make sure you ignore the door, which you have not got to yet).
30.  Put children to bed.
31.  Write a blog post about cleaning the fridge.
32.  Repeat steps 1-30 on the door, replacing toddler with pet.
32.  Go grocery shopping so no one will ever see that you cleaned your fridge.

How to Not Get a Job

Currently at work, I am wading through resumes to try and replace our irreplaceable colleague.  He has the nerve to leave us, and now we have the challenge of finding someone capable, who can put up with those of us he is leaving behind.   As sad as I am to see him go, I do enjoy the job of screening resumes.  There are some things I see that after making me laugh, make a resume get filed under "not a chance".
 
1.  Forget to use spell check.  Find it.  Use it.  If you don't, I will notice and my co-workers and I will laugh at you.
 
2.  Write:  "I pay great attention to detail", and have a glaringly obvious grammar mistake in the next sentence.  We notice.  We laugh.  We check your Facebook posts to see if your grammar is bad all the time.
 
3.  Put your name as J. Smith everywhere!  If I don't know your name, it's a little awkward to call you for an interview, so I probably just won't bother.
 
4.  Have an inappropriate e-mail address included.  You can easily get a free e-mail address, so perhaps do that, and keep the one with a suggestive number in it for other purposes?
 
5.  Not know what you are applying for.  A securities dealer is not looking for security guards. Reading the job description might help you out.

6.  During the interview mention how you're undecided which country you want to live in.  Maybe for a temp job this would be ok, but for a permanent position, it's a really bad idea.

7.  Do this!

I know the job market is tough.  I do not envy people job hunting.  But please, proofread, and have a friend proofread, and have a stranger on the street proofread.  If you do that, you will have better luck staying out of the "not a chance" pile.