My dog died last night...

The girls were in bed.  The house was quiet.  Too quiet...

I get up to get myself a tasty beverage, and step over the dog.  My foot brushes him.

Something is not right.  His body is too still. His leg is sticking up in an unnatural position.

I squat beside him.  Put my hand on his chest.  No movement can be felt.  His heavy breathing has stilled.  He is much too quiet.

I scratch his head - no reaction.

 

I shake him - nothing

 

I shake him violently, and yell his name - he remains still.  Too still.

 

It hits me.  My dog is dead!

My mind starts racing.  My husband is gone for the week - how do I break it to him?  How do I tell my children?  What do I do with the body?  Who do I call for help?

I breathe deeply, trying to hold in my grief.  Apparently I loved this slobbering oaf more than I realized.

I get up from beside his still body, trying to remain calm.  I search for the phone, having decided to call my brother-in-law for help. 

Before I dial, something compels me to turn around.  And there, sitting and staring at me in complete silence is the dog, very much not dead.

I squeal in delight, pet him, tell him what a good boy he is, and give him a treat simply for being alive.

But as I reflect, I wonder - is he really alive?  Or are zombies real, and a canine version is living in my house.

Beyond the chippy door...

The birds are chirping, the grass has been cut - spring is really here!  And with spring comes the beginning of yard sale season.  I'm assuming all other thrift-loving people are as overjoyed as I am.  My house is full of furniture, so I have to pass up on many adorable pieces I see, even if they are a bargain.  Instead, I am hunting for yellow china, and wall art (otherwise known as things that are cheap, and won't add to the clutter - and no, tea cups ARE NOT clutter).

So far this year, my finds have been windows.  I don't know why people are selling their awesome old windows, and I especially don't know why they are selling them for so cheap.  They obviously don't spend enough time on Pinterest, or they would either keep them or charge more.  But them having better things to do than spend a day on Pinterest benefits me, so I won't complain too much.

So far this month I have scored three windows, and spent a total of $4.50 on them.  But getting the windows is the easy part.  Deciding which genius idea to do with them is difficult.  And I am on a time crunch.  Last year I got a free door, and the agreement my husband I came up with was I had two weeks to do something with it, or my sister would get it.  I now use that rule for all my DIY project finds - meaning I have one more week to come up with something for my last window, - any ideas???   If I don't come up with something, my sister will get it, do something genius, blog about it, and make my windows look pitiful.

My first score was $0.50.  It's actually a door, not a window, but same idea.  I was surprised to see anything left at a yard sale after noon let alone a cute little door.  I need to finish this one still (meaning I need to find a sharpie, because I know I have one somewhere, and I really hope I find it before my toddler does).  I have a plan.  I have everything ready.  I just need my sharpie!  Perhaps I will share the finished product at a later date (if I find that sharpie).
 
 
My next score was from a much anticipated yard sale.  The signs were up three weeks before hand, making me think it would be the ultimate treasure trove of old wonderful junk.  The day arrived, and the girls and I went.  It wasn't as big as I hoped, but I did score. 

 
I would have missed the windows completely, except I went to investigate a $10-beautiful-beaten
-chippypaint-itwouldmakemyissterjealous-door.  I had no intention of buying it, since I already have one as a decoration, and once we do renovations will have two or three more to play with. 

But beyond the chippy door, were the windows.  Dirty, and cracked, and leaning up against a tree trunk like they were pieces of junk.

"How much?"
"Two dollars each."

I know you should negotiate at garage sales, but seriously?  $2 each?  And for that size of window?  I gave her four dollars before she could change her mind.


And then I tried to carry two windows home while pushing a stroller.  That lasted three feet before I asked if I could come back with the car in five minutes.

The rest of the trip home was uneventful.  But upon arrival, I got to work immediately - I needed to prove that I would use them.

The place above my piano was desperately in need of something.  Luckily one of the windows is a lovely size of something.  The next dilemma was deciding what to put in it.

My first attempt was an old map that was left in a closet from a previous owner of our home. 

But I wasn't happy with it.  I love old maps.  I think they're interesting, and beautiful.  But this one didn't have enough colour.  I googled free printable maps, but no luck.  But in google world, I found www.thegraphicsfairy.com, and discovered a new happy place!  You can't always get an old map, but you can get vintage seed magazine type prints!  And frankly, if you're trying to decorate cheaply, you take what you can get.

So if you have any artwork needs, check out that site.  It has tons of awesome stuff - you could decorate your kitchen just with vintage mushroom prints (which would be adorable). 

It was not a complicated process to make this.  But in the interest of putting more words in a blog, here is how I did it.

1.  Print around 15 pictures you like - trim them if necessary.
2.  Use 8 of them, because you don't plan ahead, and didn't know how many you would use.
3.  Arrange them the way you like.
4.  Tape them together, and then to the back of the window.  Try to place the tape so it won't be seen.
5.  Raid your fabric stash and find something you like.
6.  Cut a piece of it - don't iron it, you don't have time for that and it will throw off your crafting flow.
7.  Stretch the fabric, and use thumbtacks to keep it in place.
8.  Set it where you want it, and enjoy your new $2 artwork.

I like the colours, I like the price, and I really like the prints.  I may change it again in the future, but for now it makes me happy, and isn't that the purpose of our decorations?

If you are a fellow thrifter, check out my sister's Thrift Blitz episodes, and join in the fun.  If you are not a thrifter, you have no idea the fun you are missing.

Children's book review (spoiler alert - the book ends up in the fire)

Our local library (which is small and friendly and wonderful), always has a couple shelves of books for sale.  Every time I'm there I have to look over them in case there are wonderful treasures that need to join my personal library.  A couple weeks ago, my two year old grabbed a couple board books from the shelf.  Instead of making her put them back, I gave her a few coins and let her make her very first purchase (a touching moment that she will reflect back on for many years to come).  We brought them home, they got put down somewhere, and forgotten about until tonight.
Elsie came prancing up to me with book in hand asking me to read her a story.  We went and sat together, with Paige joining in as well.
I read the title:  Having Fun.  The first page starts with it being a rainy day, mommy's cleaning, and the kids need something to do.  Why do the kids need something to do when mommy's cleaning? Why don't the kids help mommy clean?  That would make a much better story - mommy's cleaning, the kids happily help, no one yells, the house gets clean, they all eat ice cream and are happy, the end (another spoiler alert - that story I just made up is waaaaay better than the one I'm reviewing).  Anyways, I make a remark to the girls that the kids should help their mommy, but I get over it (for a moment), and turn the page.  The first thing I notice on this page is the use of the word locomotive.  I personally would have used train for a book geared towards toddlers, but to each their own. 

But then I see the first spelling mistake...

"ans" is not a word. 

And two pages later is this

The placement of apostrophe's should not be complicated!

 Followed by this on the very next page.

Beatiful?  Really?  I had to fight with my spellcheck to allow it to leave it that way.  Plus, they spell it correctly on a following page.

I close the book, and tell the girls I will burn it because it was awful.

And then I stew about it for three hours.

And then I look at the book to find the publisher to complain about it.

The publisher, shockingly, seems to no longer be in business.  I wonder what happened?

And then I ponder how a book could make it through an author, an editor, an illustrator, a publisher, and a printer with all those mistakes in it.

And then I start thinking about what kind of children's book I could write, because apparently anything can get published.

And then I write a blog about it, while being completely aware and paranoid there will most likely be glaringly obvious errors within this post.  Won't that be ironic?

But then I think, no one is paying for this, so it's more forgivable.

And then I wonder how did they come up with $3.95 as the price for the book, and who in their right mind paid that?

And then I use spell check (if you don't use it, please start), publish my post, burn a book and go to sleep.

Disclaimer: I know that English is a difficult language, and many people struggle with spelling and grammar.  This is in no way bashing them.  This is bashing the people that insult real writers (I do not claim to be one) hard work by pushing out a book with no effort or editing.

Hopelessly Devoted

Meet Bandit (quite aptly named it turns out).  He started off cute and cuddly, and if he stepped on your foot the pain wouldn't last for days.  We brought him home, and started off as good pet owners.  We bought him the expensive dog food the breeder recommended, kept up to date on his shots, took him for walks (and carried him when his little legs just couldn't make it home), we bathed and brushed him regularly.


Bandit the day we brought him home.



 And then he gained 150 pounds (at least).  We knew Newfoundland's were big dogs, but somehow that size seems bigger when you put it in a house in town.  Now, if he steps on my foot, it hurts A LOT.  Giving him a bath is quite the dramatic affair. Walks turn into runs followed by shoulder pain.  And the expensive dog food?  Yeah, that lasted maybe a month.

But with his size, came some surprises.  Did you know that a 175 pound dog can reach the kitchen counter without trying?  He just walks past and inhales whatever is there.  And it doesn't matter if you try to train him.  The temptation for human food is too much to resist! 



Pregnancy photo shoot

Want steak for supper?  Don't defrost them on the counter.  Even in a stone crock, the dog can still get to them.
A piping hot whole chicken is fair game if your child suddenly needs a diaper change.  Considerately, the dog will leave no evidence behind.
I cannot count how many loaves of bread have mysteriously disappeared.  (He is very discerning and only steals homemade bread).
Peanut butter - forgot to put it away after making a sandwich?  A dogs tongue is surprisingly long and he can clean the container out for you.
You know those delicious buns with the butter baked right onto the top?  Bandit likes those too, but he prefers to lick the butter off before they are baked.
Trail mix - He doesn't like to eat it.  He just wants to show how clever he is that he can open Tupperware and scatter the contents all over the floor for a nice welcome home gift.

Add to that list the extra housework he causes, the blankets he's ruined, the refinished floor he gnawed, a window he's broken, and the car he damaged by running in front of it (dog: bloody lip, car: $1500 damage), and logic screams "GET RID OF THAT FREAKIN' DOG"!


Paige with her best friend.

But I don't, and I justify it by saying he is good with the kids, his size will intimidate people who want to break in, he does weird things that make us laugh, and he makes me feel safe when the husband is gone.

He drives me crazy and costs us a fortune.  And yet, I know my threats to put him for sale on Kijiji are completely empty.  The conclusion?  It must be love.  (But don't you dare call me his mommy!)