A Long Drive Home

You know how once in a long time, you see, or hear something that just seems unreal?  I assure you, the following conversation (if it can be called that) really did happen.  I also assure you that I cannot do it justice, and since I failed to record it, I am doing my best to recreate it as I remember, and I am confident that my sister witness will respond in the comments if I have erred in any way.

One night, my two girls and niece were crammed in the back seat of my little car, and my sister (the one who told me to start this blog) and I were talking about something deeply important and profound.  During a break in the conversation, I heard quiet sobbing coming from the back. 

As sometimes happens with sobbing, a simple inquiry can open up the floodgates.

"I'll NEVER be able to go hunting or fishing because I talk too much and can't sit still and will scare all the animals away.  I'm not allowed to go until I can be quiet and I just can't stop talking!  All the animals will run away.  I'll never be able to go hunting with Daddy!

"I just can't stop talking!  I talk all the time, and just can't stop!  I wish I could stop talking.  I talk too much and I just can't stop.  I think there's something wrong with me.  I don't know why I have so many questions.  I wish I didn't have so many questions.  I'm just curious.  I wish I wasn't so curious.

"It's like there's something inside of me controlling me.  Like there's something in my head and it just makes me keep talking.  Maybe I'm a robot.  How do you know I'm not a robot?  Robots have metal, not bones. But I've never seen my bones, so maybe I AM a robot.  Have you ever seen my bones?  I might be a robot!  I look like a person, but I might be a robot.

"People tell me I need to stop talking so much.  And I always put my hand up because I have lots of questions.  I don't know why I have so many questions.  Why am I so curious?  What's wrong with me?

A deer appears on the road, I hit the brakes.  Hysterical sobbing ensues.

"SEE???  I TALK SO MUCH YOU ALMOST HIT A DEER!

"Do you have a headache Noa?  I'm sorry I'm giving you a headache.  See?  I talk so much that now I'm giving Noa a headache! 

"Is this the worst day of your life Noa?  Is it the best day of your life? 

"I'm so sorry. 

"Do you forgive me Noa? 

"Do you forgive me Noa? 

"Noa, do you forgive me?

"I'm sorry I gave you a headache.  Is this the worst day of your life? "

By this point, the monologue has woken up Elsie who begins crying loudly.

"Now I've woken up Elsie!  See?  I talk so much that Elsie can't sleep either.  I don't know how to stop talking so much.  I just have so many questions and want to know things.  What's wrong with me?  Why do I talk so much?  Why did Jesus make me this way?

"I'm sorry Elsie.

"I'm really sorry Elsie.

I suggest she close her eyes and try to sleep, because I suspect she might be tired.

"But I'm not tired!  I can't sleep.  I can never sleep, because I can't stop talking!  I talk so much I can't go to sleep, and even if I go to sleep, I still talk in my sleep.  See?  I talk too much!  I don't know why I talk so much.  There's something wrong with me.

"I'm really sorry I gave you a headache Noa.  Will you ever go anywhere with me again?  Do you still love me Noa?  I'm really sorry.

"Do you have a headache Auntie Alanna?  I'm sorry I gave you a headache."

This emotional rampage lasted at least 15 minutes, during which my sister and I were unsuccessful at controlling our laughter.

Disclaimer:  My child is actually a well adjusted kid, who is normally very confident in herself.  This whole self-doubt thing was due to walking around IKEA for miles, eating McDonalds for lunch, and driving home at bedtime.  She was back to her normal talkative, inquisitive, optimistic self in the morning.